You ever find yourself staring in the mirror at the end of one of those days...one of those days that was a part of one of those weeks...months...hell years...one of those days that make you want to crawl into bed, bury yourself in the covers and never get back up?
Well, I was doing just that a couple of years ago. Bourbon drunk and bleary eyed, I stood there berating myself for being a baby. "Get your shit together man!" I said, voice seething with disdain for the bloated loser staring back at me.
I was coming off a year that saw my grandfather passing away, a relationship with a loving and caring girl disintegrate as I pined for an ex who couldn't give a shit about me, massive weight gain, increasing job insecurity, and a whole myriad of lessor problems that began to create a suffocating pile of morosity around me. I was depressed, and let me tell you, depression is a motherfucker. We have all been there, sometimes for a brief moment, sometimes longer. I had had enough. In the words of Jack Kerouac "It was one fast move or I'm gone."
The cliché goes something like, "It's always darkest before dawn." And they are clichés for a reason. Somewhere around that time I heard this song...
I cancelled my subscription to cable. I deleted my facebook (read: stalker) account. I got my tubby ass off the couch and hit the gym. Basically I set about getting my shit together...everything I could actively control anyway. All whilst chanting what would become my mantra for the next year..."I AM GONNA MAKE IT, THROUGH THIS YEAR, IF IT KILLS ME!"
The bright piano immediately hooked me into John Darnelle's deliciously succinct lyrics. The brilliantly painted picture of adolescent angst brought about by a troubled home served as a kick in the pants as I thought about my own silver spoon, "Leave it to Beaver" upbringing.
-What sort of trouble had I ever experienced?
-Who was I to wallow in self pity when others had real problems?
-C'MON FATTY, one more mile!
-"I AM GONNA MAKE IT, THROUGH THIS YEAR, IF IT KILLS ME!"
It's a liberating and self actualizing mantra that even to this day puts a smile on my face and a pep in my step! I fully recommend playing this song at max volume in the car by yourself and singing along with the chorus at the top of your lungs...if that's not catharsis, I don't know what is! Beat on the steering wheel in time with the infectious beat. Lock into the promise of feasting and dancing next year!
"I am gonna make it - through this year - if it kills me!"
"I am gonna make it - through this year - IF IT KILLS ME!"
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