The Dating Cycle

So I have noticed a strange phenomenon amongst  the single people in my town.  I call it the "Dating Cycle."

Basically it goes something like this:

The Relationship Phase:


Following a particularly sexually charged Halloween weekend, sexy cat

sits her on and off, sometimes serious, significant other down and has "the talk."

Over the next few months, the air temperature drops, turkey is consumed, and gifts are exchanged. A relationship has formed. Boyfriend and girlfriend are happy to have a warm body to snuggle with, a steady piece of ass to rub on (even when the waistline starts to show signs of holiday glut), and a comrade in arms against the trying mental blows inflicted by Christmases with the respective familial units.

The peak enjoyment of the relationship phase of the cycle is the New Year's kiss:

the promise of which is for a new life in a new year with new prospects and new resolutions...aww.

Then, promptly at the stroke of midnight plus one, this occurs:

Overly drunk, the tiniest of cracks begin to emerge in the veneer of the relationship...and thus begins the slide.

Stubborn and possibly hopeful, the relationship phase slogs on through Valentine's Day...love's "filing day." Forced to make proclamations about the state of the relationship, both parties put on a happy face and exchange meaningless (and temporary) gifts. Overpriced flowers then slowly die, and with them so does the relationship phase.

Flash forward to D-Day. Also known as St. Patrick's Day. The first drinking holiday of the spring tends to unleash some demons. Pent up frustrations, combined with cabin fever and too much Jameson are a caustic mix for a tenuous coupling.

this:

plus this:

leads to this:

aaaand, cue break-up.


The Single Phase:


The next few months are called "the open season."  This period from April to June is the time to sew those wild oats.  All the sluts and fatties you want, just remember the moped rule.

"Nobody looks cool riding one of these things and your friends will be required to make fun of you if they see it."

The one night stand reigns supreme!  It's also time to work off those "hopelessly devoted" pounds and get back to the "single and ready to mingle" lady slaying monster you once were.

By late June of early July, you should now be mentally and physically ready to actually "date" girls again.  The quality of the ladies in question is on the rise and one night stands might turn into hanging out by the pool with friends the next day.

At this point you should begin to build a groundwork for the culling that will take place after labor day.

The Ambiguous Phase:

By September there are usually two or three contenders for the title of "ambiguous relationship."

see here.

As you work your way through October, the ambiguities should start to subside, but neither party is probably ready to have the "Define the Relationship" or DTR talk yet.  This will only happen after a particularly sexually charged Halloween weekend...

aaaaaand lather, rinse, repeat.

There you have it, the Dating Cycle.