OGFS an Introduction

Moving forward a year.

This is a period of my life that I still don't quite have a handle on. Seriously...

I consider myself a pretty perceptive person. Combine that with my rampant narcissism and you can imagine the great bouts of introspection I undergo from time to time. I have stewed on these years for a while, trying desperately to discern the causal links that led me down my path. However, (barring significant psychological counseling) I may never know for sure. The best I have come up with so far is that I must have been ill. Not like physically ill. You know, the fun kind...mental illness. In hindsight, I would have to diagnose myself with what is commonly known as the Succubus Flu.

It's kind of difficult for me to talk about it. The mere mention of the word sends chills down my spine. I probably need to give it a new name...something less scary and possibly more scientifically descriptive. Maybe, "Oppressive Girlfriend Syndrome (OGFS)." Cool. The Centers for Disease Control would be so proud...I should look into spinning pandemics for a living.

OGFS is a common disease often caught by busy and unsuspecting boys or wealthy but otherwise undesirable old men. The main pathogen is carried by scheming and manipulative females hell bent on extracting all the lust for life from their victims. Like vampires, they seek out the feral essence of their prey and sustain themselves upon it.


So I have fallen prey to OGFS more than once in my life...In fact, I seem to be genetically predisposed to suffer from the condition. I have endured many different strains of the disease from the bitchy and controlling to the coddling and overbearing. Of all the cases though, one stands out above the rest. The first few years of my college experience was marred by the mother of all Oppressive Girlfriends...the UberOGF...the Fountainhead from which all others flow. We will refer to her henceforth as OGF-0.

As terrible as the rein OGF-0 was, I still managed to come away from her internment with some pretty hilarious stories...mostly at her expense. Actually, the more I ponder our relationship, the more I find our antics less like a cheeky give and take and more like a brutal, gladiatorial death match. In my defense, I did try to break up with her a few times instead of just cheating on her (Sometimes it even worked...for a while), but for years she found ways of weaseling back into my life. Even now, years later, she lurks...like herpes, dormant but not defeated.

Anyway, this disclosure will serve as a reference for future stories...