Ironic Sunglasses Are the New Eyeliner...

Well that does it, I'm through with hipster kids.

I finally see why all those snarky webzines revile the indie rock "scene" as disingenuous. Here I was, deep in the Heart of Dixie, thinking that because I liked Death Cab for Cutie and the Decemberists that I would find people who populated their fanbase likable and interesting...In Bama, saying that you like indie music is almost like code for saying you are rebelling against the predominately redneck culture of SKYNARD!!! and Kenny Chessney!!! In Washington, however, hipster indie kids ARE the rednecks!

Well, not exactly. Rednecks can typically (and do from time to time) kick my ass. These Pacific Coast douches could barely kick my little sister's ass. What I mean to say is that the same way I wasn't "cool" in college because I didn't own a 4x4 Chevy with mud tires, I wouldn't be "cool" in Seattle because I refuse to squeeze my ass into size 4 girls jeans. So while enjoying some delicious encyclopedia rock is a badge of honor amongst my southern friends, out there it's like digging Nickleback...every silly jackass and their brother is into it just cause it's "hip."

I just returned from a badass weekend of bands and booze at the Sasquatch! (exclamation point added by them...that's how you know it's good) Music Festival. Think Bonaroo meets City Stages except there were bands I wanted to see and it was at the Gorge Amphitheater on the Columbia River which is truly spectacular. The views were breathtaking,

(not shopped)

and the beauty of the backdrop inspired more than one band to put on a monster show. That being said, there was also a hefty amounts of douchbaggery to contend with...hence the blog.

So a few years ago, a friend (we'll call him EmoDan) and I were talking about the state of pop-punk which we both took guilty pleasure in. He remarked to me that with the rise of bands like Fall Out Boy and Panic! at the Disco (don't random exclamation marks make everything cooler?), punk eyeliner was becoming the equivalent of grunge flannel which was equal and opposite to 80's hairspray which was only slightly less ghey than the leisure suit and so on. Well I have one more category to add to that over used genre specific band costume list: The Ironic Sunglasses.

Ironic Sunglasses are typically black oversized shades with neon frames that can be purchased at any low quality gas station across the country,


but they could be any form of eye wear that looks ridiculous...on purpose. I saw literally thousands of kids wearing these things this weekend.


Each time I saw a pair, God killed a kitten. Even some of the bands were sporting them...ahem...Bishop Allen...



More disconcerting than that though was how young these kids catch the bug...



That wasn't all though...apparently, any form of apparel can be turned into ironic hipster gear.



or more hot/creative/creepy:



or if you want to go WAY off the deep end...



Basically, I guess people just piss me off. I used to think if I went up to the Pac-Northwest and hung out in the same haunts as the likes of Nirvana and Death Cab, I would fit right in. Now I think if I lived up there I would probably be sporting a Budweiser t-shirt with cut off sleeves, screaming Freebird at the top of my lungs...just to be ironic.

or maybe not:



CRAP!